Home Ryan O'Hara Memorial
Barbara's Letter to Delaware Courts
Your
Honor,
February 12, 2007-it was the day that would forever change many, many lives. The
nightmare began with that phone call around midnight. I was only told that there
was an accident. Mother’s instinct told me before anyone else did that Ryan was
dead. I knew-I just KNEW. My son, Justin, and I were able to reach my husband,
Terry, who was on business in Baltimore. He tried calming me while we were on
the phone. But, I KNEW.
I lost my way driving to Christiana Hospital-unexplainable as we had driven
dozens of times that way to University of Delaware. I pulled over on the side of
the road-my heart was pounding loudly. The adrenaline pumped through my body
causing me to tremble and quiver uncontrollably. My teeth had begun chattering
involuntarily. I knew-I just KNEW. Friends were calling me, and they kept
reassuring me, but I knew differently.
After arriving at the hospital, we were met by hospital staff. My husband had
yet to arrive. As they pulled us in that room, I KNEW. I can still hear Justin
screaming and crying when the doctors told us. I was paralyzed-the world moved
in slow motion. Terry arrived within minutes. Justin’s actions confirmed the
worst for him. I watched them both sobbing relentlessly. I went to them and
tried to console them-my own tears would not be shed for hours-I was totally
numb and in shock.
We were then led into the room next to us. Do you have any idea, as a parent,
what it is like to walk into a room and see your dead son? I can’t remember how
many times I walked in and out of that room-I just couldn’t leave Ryan by
himself. I still envision Justin sitting by his brother’s bedside holding his
hand. How could this be? But this was only the beginning of the never-ending
nightmare.
Four hours away at Penn State, my other son, Brandon, waited impatiently with
his friends gathered around him. Justin called him with the earth-shattering
news, only to be hung up on by Brandon. I later found out that Brandon raced out
of the dorm and proceeded to run out of the building into the piercing cold.
Like the movie, Forrest Gump, he kept running and running until he just couldn’t
run anymore. His friends were able to get a car, put Brandon in it, and bring
him home to us.
In the meantime, Terry, Justin, and I drove home in absolute silence. There were
no words worth mentioning. I remember staring out of the truck window at the
vast, empty darkness. “Why? WHY?!” I thought to myself. The moment we entered
our home, I felt Ryan all around me. His pictures, his bed, his books, his
stuffed animals…they were all there, but he wasn’t. Suddenly, it was as though a
dam burst inside me, and the tears refused to stop. I have never felt so lost,
so helpless, so bleak, so hopeless, so empty….
The phone began ringing constantly, cars were pulling up in the driveway, and
within no time, family and friends appeared and surrounded us. The news was
spreading like wildfire. Our priest called us by 7:00AM. Our high school had
already made an announcement about Ryan to the students, and there was a moment
of silence for him. Our home, by then, was filled with people and activity. And,
it just wasn’t because of the terrible news, it was because of all of the love
that so many people had for this great kid, Ryan.
We received hundreds of letters and cards-they came from all over the United
States. His viewing and funeral yielded well over 2,000 people-Ryan would have
been astounded. You know, it’s odd, as he always wanted us to be proud of him.
He often asked, “Are you proud of me, Mom?’ If only he could see all those
stacks of cards and letters and read them and see all of those people and hear
them talk about what a wonderful, young man he was. “Yes, Ryan, we are so very
proud of you. Do you know how much you were admired and respected?”
Ryan loved his life. He had a thirst for knowledge, and education was so
important to him. He constantly read, argued politics, and thrived in the UD
marching band. He worked as an RA because he liked working and socializing with
others, and he told us he wanted to help to pay for his education. Not only did
he work as an RA, but he also had worked previously at Commerce Bank in Newark,
and he worked in the admissions office at UD. I even remember the last
conversation I had with him. He and I were having a heart-to-heart talk about
all the wonderful things occurring in his life. He also told me to stop worrying
about all the financial stuff for college-it was up to him to take care of it
and for his dad and me to start having some fun. When did he suddenly grow up to
be so wise and convincing? I will never forget that conversation. I could tell
you so much more about Ryan, but I may never finish this letter. However, I
think that Ryan should tell you more about himself. I’d like to share a poem he
had written about himself in the fall of 2006. It pretty much sums up his
beliefs, goals, and his morals.
(I am
Ryan POEM)
As you learned in the poem, Ryan was going to be a history teacher. One only has
to wonder how much Ryan would have positively influenced his future students
with his goodness and caring heart. He believed in himself, and he didn’t care
what others thought. My son was less than three weeks away from being 21, yet he
did not drink. As an RA, he helped many students find their way at college. He
urged them to stay away from drinking, drugs, and peer pressure. He taught so
many of us, including me, that it was ok to not give in to all of it and to just
simply believe in yourself. The world is crying out for the kind of teacher he
would have been.
I admired his strength, his determination, and his drive. I loved reading
letters from UD parents who attest to this because of how much Ryan helped their
child as a UD student. Even in his death, Ryan was able to reach out and comfort
us. He left behind a four page will/letter in case something should happen to
him. He told me to think of his death as a long stay at college. He wanted his
money split between his brothers, and if there was anything left over, he wanted
it to be used for them to study abroad. He left entries behind for many of his
friends. He told us not to worry, he would be watching and protecting us
whenever he could. What 20 year old does this?
So this brings me to the point that I must focus on. My husband and I were
raised with many principles and values. One of them was accountability for one’s
actions. We know that with every choice we make, whether it be the right choice,
or the wrong choice, that there is always a consequence to go with it. Terry and
I have always worked hard on making the right choices. We choose to be law
abiding citizens. We choose to be “good” people and be respectful of others as
well as the law. We have tried hard to instill our values and beliefs into our
children. It is obviously very evident that Ryan had consumed all that we
taught.
However, as I am writing this, I wonder if justice, the very thing that Ryan
believed in will prevail. Will it uphold Ryan-the victim in this case? Mr.
Hoover made an unlawful choice to run a red light on the night of February 12,
2007. His choice had had rippling consequences that our family, loved ones, and
friends will forever have to endure. What kinds of consequences will Mr. Hoover
have to endure?
We read and hear about countless numbers of people who “escape” the system and
“get off” charges. Have we become a society where the law no longer protects the
innocent but rather aids the guilty? As a teacher, I see more challenging
students than ever before who aren’t afraid of getting into trouble let alone
going to the principal’s office. We all see it, experience it in our jobs, our
everyday lives-people thinking only of themselves. It seems to be “all about
me”. Are we now at a point where there is more evil than good? Do we make light
of criminal behavior and broken laws to a point that we are actually accepting
it?
Many of us here today would have to agree that changes need to be made. Laws and
rules are to be followed-not broken or ignored. Mr. Hoover has broken the law
several times. He was cited in 2005 for not having proof of car insurance. He
ran a red light-even passing by a car that was stopped at that light. He killed
an innocent young man-our son. Again, he had no proof of car insurance. Mr.
Hoover has made bad choices, and with each of them there is accountability.
Because of his choices, we live the nightmare everyday. We will never get to
celebrate Ryan’s 21st birthday, see him graduate, become a teacher, fall in
love, marry, and give us grandchildren. Most of all, we will never get to see
that silly smile or hear that funny laugh again. We have been deprived of so
much. There definitely is a huge hole in my heart that will never heal-sometimes
it feels so very empty. Ryan is my first thought as I awake each morning, and he
is my last thought as I close my eyes each night.
Yes, our lives are forever changed, but we must not forget the life that was cut
short, the innocent victim here, Ryan. As a parent, it is my duty and obligation
to be Ryan’s voice. He believed in our justice system. Please don’t let it fail
him. We suffer everyday because of Mr. Hoover’s choice-the pain unbearable at
times. What about the pain and suffering that Ryan endured? Mr. Hoover needs to
be held accountable for his actions and poor choices. He must accept his
consequences, no matter how harsh they may be. We, Ryan’s parents, his brother,
his family, his friends ask you, Ryan asks you, Your Honor, to see that justice
does prevail in this case. Thank you.
Respectfully submitted,
Barbara O’Hara